This is an article for women who want to find their inner essence. What is essence? For me, essence is the unique attributes that embody the heart, spirit, and soul of women.  More than mere existence, a woman’s essence is her inner nature, a container of qualities that define her true self.  For some their container is filled with laughter, calmness, understanding, connection.  While others might describe their essence as fun-loving, adventurous, artistic, or contemplative. There are times we all can benefit by taking a respite and rediscovering our inner essence.

I am writing to women of all ages. Soon after we are married and start a family, our identity needs come from these roles.  Gradually we lose connection with our inner self as we juggle the responsibilities of wife, mother and for some, career.  Without flinching we can multitask our roles as supporter, nurturer, mother, housekeeper, teacher, cook, doctor, chauffeur, wife, and career woman.  For most women, life revolves around our family, therefore our responsibilities are never far from our thoughts.  Consequently, we may lose our self-identity because we no longer have time to be alone with ourselves and just be. We are in danger of losing touch with our essence due to our preoccupation with caring for the needs of others.

Then one day, we wake up and suddenly we are empty nesters. It was easy to laugh and joke about it as we anticipated this moment. However, for many of us the reality is quite different. The empty nest can feel despairingly quiet and lonely, giving way to self-doubt and fear. Moreover, at this stage of life many of us have experienced pain, sorrow, shattered dreams, and loss of relationship.  Others have found themselves in places they would never have imagined, facing a future that seems more unpredictable as time ticks away.  The Hallmark card dream life they imagined for themselves turned out to be an illusion.

No matter what age, as adult women we must allow ourselves time to ask what we are feeling and what we really want. I do not mean writing down our goals for life. I mean sitting in silence, reflecting on our life, getting in touch with what we are feeling, and asking questions of ourselves. Who am I?  What am I feeling?  What do I want?  Some, let others answer these questions for them when truly we are the only ones who must answer for ourselves.

When I envision myself on a beach looking at the blue ocean and listening to its rhythm I ask myself these questions. What was weighing me down slowly evaporates and the self-protective mask is removed so that vulnerability and empowerment shine through. For some, your sense of self may be nourished by journaling, yoga, or walking in the forest.  For others, you are centered by your spirituality, art, or reading.

In some cases, the journey of self-discovery is better served when you have a guide or companion.  Especially if you feel pain, sadness, rejection, disappointment, or loss it is an opportunity to become stronger, wiser, and find clarity. Life is a journey of change, growth and development. Through these life experiences we often find new meaning and purpose.

One way to process the nurturing of your essence is through counseling.  As a professional counselor, I will listen to you and guide you in the process of self-discovery, your authentic self.  Being free to be who you are releases the natural change processes, for example “letting go” and shedding certain beliefs about yourself that keep you stuck. It will be an opportunity for you to remove those barriers that stand in the way of moving forward.  I look forward to walk this journey with you as a guide helping you discover your true essence.

Contact me: tami@lifeworkcounseling.net